Divorces

I was diving home from dance one day with my father, when out of the blue he asked me, "how many of your friend's parents are divorced?" I thought about it, and as I went through the list in my head, I was shocked. I counted a total of ten. That memory has always stuck with me when I think about divorce. My best friend, Jade, grew up only seeing her biological father every once in a while. Nicole  never saw her father, and never wanted too. Ava split time evenly with her mother and father. Brad's mother moved far away after their divorce. I could not imagine growing up in a home where both my mother and father were not present. My friend's often referred to my parents as "mom and dad". At the time, I did not think anything of it, but now I believe they did that because they were craving the stability that comes from not divorced parents.

Out of my friends, only some of them had step parents. Those relationships were extra tricky. They felt they could not turn to them when they were in need, and they did not like them telling them what they can and can not do. I saw my friends hurt many times because of relationships and the struggles they were having. It was heartbreaking for me to watch that, as there friend. Remarriages are tricky, especially when there is children involved. It takes a special man or woman to step up and raise someone else's child(ren).

Parenting

"Don't just be reactive, by intentional."

I have pondered that thought a lot this week, especially when it comes to parenting. As a parent, it is not enough to just sit back and react after children have done something. Teaching them right and wrong before a situation arises it the best way to ensure their safety. As a child, my parents always taught me that I needed to work hard to get what I want in life. So when situations happen, and they are tough, I know that I hard work will always benefit me.

My parents were also very good about giving me power to overcome everything and anything. They let me make choices and were not afraid to let the consequences happen, whatever they were. I believe this also is another way of being intentional, rather then reactive.

Motherhood

I grew up in a home full of love, laughter, joy, and hard work. My parents taught my brother and I at a young age that if you want something, you have to work for it. Nothing in this world comes free. Both of my parents worked full-time jobs. I was often asked as a child if I felt I was missing out spending time with my family because both of my parents worked. There were times as a child that I felt that was true. I wanted to spend time with my mom, especially. The older I got, the more I understood that my mother would have loved to stay home with me too. I've heard her say often that she would have dropped everything to be able to stay home with me and my brother. 

I strive to be able to stay home with my children. I feel the relationship you build with your children at a young age will help them for the rest of their life. Although I did not have that time with my mother, we are lucky to have the type of relationship we do today. Being a full-time mother is one of the greatest responsibility and blessing a woman can have. I believe it is a calling to be a mother. To mold and teach children to become their potential. 

Communication

Over two months ago, I entered into a long distance relationship. We both felt it was the right time for us, but it was hard. We had liked each other for a while so things progressed rather fast after we started dating, Communicating, however, has never been easy for us. He wants to know what I am thinking all the time. He likes to talk about his feelings and get everything out in the open. The exact opposite of that is me. I do not like sharing my thoughts. I am a thinker, so I have to make sure i feel comfortable and confident in the situation before I will begin to express myself. Since we are not able to see each other as often as we would like, we cannot communicate using our non-verbal. Non-verbal communication is 51% of interactions. We have had to work extra hard to understand each other because we are unable to see our body language.

Communicating with someone is hard. It takes patience and a level of understanding to be able to resolve conflicts that may come up. When we do take that time and work together, that relationship is strengthened.  

Family Crisis

When families are placed under stressful situations, many different reactions can occur. There can be heart break, there can be fighting, among other things. Sometimes the situation is something out of our control. When I was seventeen, my father was diagnosed with Kidney cancer. It is something that threw my family for a loop. My father went into surgery to have the cancer removed, and we were told that there was a great chance that he would be home in three to four days, recovering, but cancer free. Unfortunately that is not what happened. Complications arose and my father ended up having to stay in the hospitals for two weeks.

Those two weeks were extremely hard complicated. Between my mother working a full time job, I attending high school, working, and an active participate in my ballet company, along with my brother attending college locally we were already a busy family, but now we had to add taking care of my father and making sure he was okay. We spent every second we could at the hospital, It was two weeks that changed my life forever. My family after that understood how fast everything can change. We stopped taking each other for granted and wanted to be around each other more. Our home was filled with more happiness and joy than ever before.

Waiting.

The topic of waiting until marriage was one I was asked verily often throughout high school. It seemed to be the only thing a lot of my friends were talking about. In fact, I am sure it still does with a number a high school students today. The idea of waiting seemed so foreign to them, and they never understood why. For a while, I did not understand why either, but I had been told my entire life that I needed too.

Through different experiences in my life, I finally understand why waiting until marriage to have sex is so key. It is because it is sacred. That bond that you and spouse share is something so special I cannot imagine sharing that with more than them. I heard often of breakups, made so much harder because that bond was there. As you spend more time together, you grow so much together. You share something special and sacred, that God intended for you to only with one other person.  

Planning a Wedding

Almost every girl dreams of her wedding day. The dress you will wear, the flowers, your maid of honor, and of course the man you marry. You think it will perfect and nothing can or will bring you down. Well. Turns our that is not true. I had the opportunity to me the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding back in May. I saw first hand the craziness that goes into planning a wedding. Between making sure all the bridesmaids had shoes, and arranging the flowers, I thought I was going to go crazy, and it was not even my wedding.

During this time, I had a lot of opportunities to think about what I would want my own wedding to be like. I learned some definitive dos and don'ts. My biggest take away had to do with family though. My friend's wedding was really complicated. Her parents are divorced, and both remarried. That doubles everything for just her side. Her husband's parents were also divorced, but they do not have and relationship with their mother's side of family. Jade's mother was the big wedding planner in all of this. She tried to communicate as much as possible with the other side of the family but it was just plain hard to get anywhere. Because of this, a lot of wedding fell on her. I learned that communication is so important in planning a wedding. Not just with your side of the family, but with everyone involved.    

To Steady Date... Or Not?

Confession: I am a steady dater. I always have been. I love having a boyfriend and I think that dating around is really awkward. From the moment I was sixteen and allowed to officially go on dates, it did not take long a lot for me to realize that going on dates was not nearly as fun as just dating one guy. So at sixteen I had my first boyfriend. We dated about a year, and then it was boring. It was like waking up one day in the dark. Nothing felt fun, it was same old things everyday. So we broke up. It did not take long until I was right back steady dating someone new. Shocker, right? This one ended soon, and then I was back with the first boy, then with the second boy again. It was a mess. High school ended (thankfully) and with that came a move across the country to a new state, where hardly anyone knew me. I could date around and just have fun. I think you might be able to guess what actually happened...

I dated for two months. Some of the dates were TERRIBLE. Some were magical. Some never called back for another date. Some called too often, Then I met the him. He was nice, kind, giving, and actually liked me. So we rushed into a relationship. Turns out he was a steady date kind of person too. We both ended up serving missions for our church* but agreed that we would write each other and come home and get married and live happily ever after.

Fast forward a little over two years, we are both home, and plot twist, we are not together. Things ended messy and it was hard, but I knew the Lord had a greater plan for me. While on my mission I had some experiences that led me to start writing an elder I served with after I got home. We wrote, as friends, the rest of his time out, and began talking everyday after he did get home. We met up about two months after he got home for a date of bowling and ice cream. He lives in Utah, and I live in Idaho, so neither of us were sure where it was going to go, but we both had so much fun. We continued to talk all the time and things were just so easy with him. At this point we had talked so much that I considered him an amazing friend, my best friend actually. One night, as I was reflecting back on my life over the past couple of years I had the thought come to mind "I told you there was someone better."

God has a plan. He knows what we need rather than what we want, and  sometimes it is hard to accept that plan. Trust me, though, His plan brings true happiness. I am a witness of that.

*To learn more about missions you can go to:
- https://www.mormon.org/stories/purpose-of-missions
- https://www.mormon.org/values/missionary-work

Sticks and Stones

While in high school, a new family moved into our area and attended church with us. They had one son about my age. He seemed to have a really good since of fashion and spoke in more a high pitch voice. He was in choir and drama, and because of those things, often people assumed or would call him gay. I found myself even questioning at some points if he was. Throughout the next months, we began to get close as friends, and he did confine in me that he did believe he was gay. I was there to support him, and encourage him.

I often wonder if because of the comments people made towards him were related to that, if that played a part in his life choices. I was shocked when he told me he was gay, because I remember there being times when he hurt by those comments. We truly need to start watching what we say to others. The saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is not true. Words hurt. They cut us down and can make us question everything we have every thought to be true.  

The Melting Pot

During my eleventh grade English class, we were given an assignment to ask our peers what they thought of the phrase "America is a melting pot" meant. Most of the answers were something along the lines of "it means there are a lot of different kind of people here". Less often, I was told they had no idea or they had never heard that phrase before. One really stood out to me that has stuck with with me since then. They said "It means people come here expecting something great and amazing, and instead they get burned." I was pretty off put and confused by that but I finally feel I understand what they were saying.

So often, others come to America in hopes for a better life, not necessarily for them, but for their future generations. What we do not realize is the impact this can have on the family. Families are torn apart and separated by the intense desire to have a better life. When families are finally reunited, they have been apart for so long, the family roles and dynamics have completely changed. This, however, does not mean they are any less a family than families that have stayed together and lived in America all their lives. No family is greater than another, because they all are revolved around loved. When love is your motivation, your motivation is pure. These families that were separated, were because the parents loved their children so much, they waned something better for them than what they had. Love changes everything,          

Family Roles

When I think of a family roles, I often think of the simple mother, father, daughter, and son roles, but there are so many other roles. You could be the role model, the hard worker, the forgiving one, or even the troublemaker. Family roles are what make each of us different. My family for example, my mother has always had a 8-5, Monday-Friday office job, rather than my dad, like in most families. My dad went back to school while I was in high school to become a chief. He picked me up from school, dance, and anywhere else. I do not resent my mother for being a work a lot, because I understand it is because of her we were able to enjoy so many things.

My brother and I had reverse roles a lot of time. He was very complacent in life. I on the other hand, the younger of us, could not wait to get out of the house and be on my own. I started working at my dance studio and watching children on the weekend. I was told on more than one time that I acted more like the older sibling.

Family roles are different for everyone, but they are what makes the family dynamics work so well.        

It Really Does Matter

We discussed a lot this about fertility rates. Throughout class I began thinking about about my life. My father was married before my mother. His first wife, unfortunately, passed away during childbirth, and soon after his newborn, baby boy also passed. I cannot begin to imagine the pain he felt during that time. He later met my mother, converted to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and married her for time and all eternity. They decided they would try for a child. My mother became pregnant with my brother. Although there was still some complications during birth, she delivered a healthy baby boy, and they were overjoyed. My parents both agreed at that point, they were done having children. They had a happy, healthy, well loved son. What more could they ask for?

My mother began feeling incomplete. One night, she had a dream. She dreamed of a baby girl, waiting, wishing, wanting to come to Earth to join her family. My mother knew then, that there was one more. There was a spirit waiting to join that family. Her family. To gain a body. To learn and grow, through the experiences she needed to have to be able to return to live with Heavenly Father again. Soon after, I was born. 

I am eternally grateful for my mother following that dream. I am grateful they chose to not follow their plan, but the plan Heavenly Father had for them. Having children cannot and should not be a selfish decision. The world is so much more then just us. It is made of up of people we interact with everyday. Who are we to deny those interactions?   

My name is Savannah Wood. I am a student at Brigham Young University-Idaho. I enjoy baking and spending time with my friends and family. I am a child development major, I love to help others, and believe that smiling is the best medicine. :)